The Eighth Memory

Honestly, it kind of freaks me out how much Larry is mentioned in my diary.  It seems as though my life revolved around him, and I guess it did, but only because I was still a kid and I had no control.  Everyday was a struggle.  I would come home and simply stay in my room, or escape to Sarah's house across the street and stay until I wasn't allowed to anymore.  I tried to avoid the drama at this point.  I rarely even came out of my room to eat.  But that didn't mean that Larry didn't sometimes seek me out knowing that he could get a rise out of me easiest.  I didn't have friends over, it was too embarrassing.  And they didn't know how he really was, they just thought I had a "hot step-dad," not realize what an asshole he really was.  He even got to where he would say things that mad me uncomfortable, one time I will never forget, we went to the river.  I've always been a shorts-over-my bathing-suit-bottoms type of girl, and he said "take those off, my women don't wear shorts with their swimsuits." Now let me clarify right now, Larry never did anything inappropriate with me.  He just made comments that made my skin crawl from time to time.  And he seemed to do anything he could to upset me.  Neither he, nor my mom had any regard for school at this point.  Many times I would find myself in the car outside someone's house on a school night, night before a big test, or a big play, waiting for Mom and Larry to finish partying and take me home.  I even have the entry to prove it:

05/31/00
Dear Diary,

My family is totally selfish.  It's midnight and tomorrow is the play, my 8th grade promotion, and dance.  I just want to go home.  SELFISH.

Love, Cassie

This entry was followed shortly by a barely legible scrawled entry that simply says "I'm scared, Larry is acting like he did the day he went to jail!! HELP ME!"  Larry often went into fits of rage, many times I would peek around the hall corner to see him trying to get into the bedroom where my mom had locked the door by using whatever he could find to bust the door in.  Our home was filled with countless holes in the wall.  Dishes were often casualties, and although he never hit me with one, he threw some pretty close a few times.  I remember one time he and my mom were fighting and they had a waterbed.  He took one of the runners (bumpers, whatever) off the side of the bed and tried to ram the door in with it.  I tried to avoid being in the middle of this.  I often found myself lying on the floor in the bathroom (it was the only door that locked) with a blanket just closing my eyes and trying not to hear it.  I grabbed Chase whenever I could, but that usually resulted in greater punishment for me.  Chase was Larry's leverage because he was HIS son.  I felt terrible for Chase, that I couldn't save him.

06/16/00
Diary,
I think my life is sooo confusing.  Larry yells so much and I bet Chase feels so alone.  I wish I could help him. I'm so sorry Chase.

Love, Cassie

A few days later I see an entry stating that we are moving to Cleveland, TX.  This is where my mom's family lives.  My mom was really sick that summer.  I mean she couldn't get out of bed at all.  My Aunt Janis and Uncle Quinten took care of us that summer while mom got better.  My Aunt did everything she could to keep me from feeling left out.  She bought me new clothes, I made new friends (my cousin is the same age as me), and I had a pretty good summer all in all.  I was about to start High School, and as nervous as I was, I knew I was safe from Larry here.  My grandparents wouldn't let him get anywhere near us, so things started look up. Until I found out we weren't moving after all.  My mom got better, and I guess she was ready for another round.